So. One of the things I have learned is that the mind is a battle ground greater than any other one we can face. No matter what, the enemy wants our minds.
Or at least he wants MY mind.
And at first I really wasn’t sure why. But I’ve come to realize that thoughts take on life. In fact, they take on a life All.Their.Own. So inconvenient. Rabbit trails when Im trying to focus. Thoughts of old pain and anger when I’m trying to pray. Angry thoughts when I’m in the middle of a worship song.
Literally, I am constantly praying against the thoughts that want to consume me.
Makes me wonder at times if there’s something wrong with me. But then it dawned on me that if my thoughts are not won over to the dark side, neither can my actions be won over. When I am praying for Mister, if unresolved pain creeps up or anger rears it’s head, the prayer changes from seeking for complete freedom from old stuff and inviting God to do something new in our relationship as we move forward to me blasting God with a whole lotta “why would yous” and “this ain’t fairs” and “i don’t wannas.” Totally steals my prayer thunder.
IF i let it.
I can take that same set of thoughts, give them to God, and say Lord please get rid of the remains of all that hurt and anger so that I’m not lost in that emotion. Help me to focus my heart and to move past the hard stuff into this new place You keep tellin me about.
But uh. Lest we think I’m somebody special – I don’t always travel that holy road.
I’m just sayin’
Some days are easier than others.
Waaaaay easier. 🙂
Truthfully, though, in all this learning, what I’ve probably learned most is God’s grace in the places where I’m just not there yet. Freedom to be who I am and where I am and to know that I don’t have to conquer my own flesh in my own power or by my own will. Confidence that, little by little and slowly but surely, things have shifted and we’ll be fine.
I’ll be fine.
LIFE will be fine.
And really. THAT shift in mentality is where victory is found. That certainty that at the end of the day, it’ll all be fine. Because that belief in your heart lets you wade through the inconvenience and fight through the harder moments.
That shift in mentality is what let’s you do more than just ‘make it’. It lets you LIVE.
I can’t say I’ve been a fan of all that’s been life, but I can say that as God moves me fully from one place to the next, I am grateful for it all – not because it’s been a joyride getting here… oh no … but because I’ve seen the face of God and uncovered the greatness that exists in me.
It’s the adventure of a lifetime and Im looking forward to finding even more unexpecteds along the way.