I’m usually no good at describing myself, but if I had to describe who I really am I’d say I’m … unexpectedly colorful.
What you see isn’t necessarily what you get. I mean, there’s the fact that I’m the sort of person who is just gonna be who she is and you can roll with it or not. Pretty serious most of the time, forever thinking, forever observing, forever preparing. Rarely ever in the moment. Analytical almost to a fault and general pretty straight-up, no chaser in most things.
But then. There’s this goofy, funny, laid-back person who loves just to hang out and listen to music or read a good (non-intellectual) book. And movies. Please let it be a dumb one! I can get lost in girly fluff if I’m given a chance. I’m not typically very indulgent, but I have discovered in recent history that I’m pretty good at checkin’ out for a minute if the opportunity presents itself.
It’s so wierd. That second person is the one most people think doesn’t exist. That first one is the one most people know, expect, and in a lot of ways depend on. And as much as she drives them batty, they just seem to like the normalcy of that particular relational ebb & flow.
And really, I do too. 🙂
The other one shocks them. Seriously. She doesn’t shock me because well, I know me like that. But other people. She definitely shocks them. Truth is, we’re all more comfortable with the me who always has the answer, who’s dependable, reliable and really predictable in my responses.
But it’s time for a new normal. Time we all get used to a less wound-up more uninhibited not quite so future minded me. I’ve learned to trust myself a little more w/a lot less thinking and to give myself some room to just be a chick sometimes. Still not quite easy with it, but it’s waaaay better than living in that crazy place that comes when over-analysis and real-life come face to face.
This blog, I dunno what it’ll be. Only that as I walk into my future I will embrace the freedom God’s given to me. He’s told me to live out loud, to not be afraid of sharing parts of me that aren’t all just-so and matter of fact. To live in the moment a bit more. So I’m learning. Making a conscious effort to relax and just take things in. And I guess we’ll all find out together how things turn out!
Glad you’re along for the ride and hope you enjoy getting to know me differently as I learn to live out loud, bold and in technicolor!