It has not been stellar. But it has been something life-changing.
God has grabbed a hold of me this year in ways that I couldn’t imagine. Everything from provision to looking for a job to me and Mister. Every area of my life has been turned to rubble this year – as if just letting it be in big chunks of debris wasn’t good enough… and as it turns out, Im pretty grateful in it all. Because there are just some things that cannot be learned if they are not learned in a pit so deep you don’t believe you’ll make it out in-tact.
The lessons I’ve learned:
- God is enough. His grace is sufficient. Those days when my heart ached so deeply that I didn’t know how I’d get to tomorrow, He carried me through them.
- He provides in countless unexpected ways – and not just financially, but emotionally, mentally, physically,spiritually.
- He cares for me and my pain matters to Him.
- Brokeness is an invitation all it’s own to new life.
- He does what He says, even when it seems that nothing’s working.
- He’s good and He’s worthy whether or not He does another thing for me. I will serve Him anyway.
- Loving well means that no matter the cost to you, you fight with your all for them to find Him.
- I’d rather die in the pain of the process than live again in the agony of my own way & plans.
God has been good to me.
I have spent this year with out a job – not even the piece of a job I had before. NO job… Three weeks ago, God gave me a job. One that fit every prayer of my heart for work. A job that I’m sure I’ll love as time goes with a boss that I can respect and pay that is enough to live on – with room to grow and earn more if that is His will.
I have babysat as my sole source financially. And from that I hve been given friendships that have sustained my spirit on the particularly hard days. These women are ones that I can be real with and who are real with me.
I have been given the gift of my voice back. In countless ways.
I have discovered the truth of me and Mister: i love him. absolutely. more than myself. And just like God said, we’ve become friends.The price has been so high, but we have gained far more in this than I’ve been so angry at losing.
Relationships with my family and me have started to mend. Restoration is all around. Vindication is happening at every turn.
And Jehovah. He is worthy. Whether or not I get my way. No matter what comes. He’s worthy of my life, my love, my loyalty,my service. He is absolutely worthy.
This year has taken me down a road I was hoping I’d never have to travel; it has been humbling and convicting and transforming. I wouldn’t want to do it again, but Im grateful for the grace of the journey that it’s been.
2011 promises to be different and I look forward to it. But 2010 is a year that I doubt I’ll ever forget.
This is the year that the dry bones in my life began to live.
Blessings ya’ll and Happy New Year.