Sometimes it’s not easy to hear or to speak.

One thing about me. I can’t let things go unaddressed. I’m just not a ‘sweep it under the rug’ kinda gal. Doesn’t really work for me at all. So needless to say one of the things that has been the toughest for me is God’s pretty consistent instruction to be quiet. And even in the times when I’m free to speak, it’s not nearly what I want to say… Dude. It’s been killin’ me!

But the other night, it was finally time to finish the conversation we’ve been having in bits and pieces over recent weeks. It was not easy. Not to give or to receive. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. In short, it was not the most fun we could’ve had.

HOWEVER. *ahem* We now have clear fresh air and a blank slate between us.

Things he did not want to hear – but that he heard:

  • This situation, the present state of things between us? YOU DID THIS. And you need to take some ownership.
  • If the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t be ok with this mess. Which means, there is no way you should expect me to be ok with it either.
  • You think that my heart is supposed to be unaffected because you say you love me. That’s not how this works. I try really hard to control my emotions, but some of this you just need to be willing to deal with and wait out. It won’t be this way forever, but it will be this way for a while.
  • You’re mine and you need to act like it. You say you want to leave me, but if you could do that then you wouldn’t still be standing here. You can’t leave me anymore than I can leave you. Don’t quit. GET IT TOGETHER.
  • Be willing to take the risk and grow with me, instead of letting your pride dictate.
  • You hurt me. And that can never happen again. NOT EVER. Not to this extent. It needs to be fixed and made right. And when it gets right it needs to stay that way. I’m gonna give you my all. I’m handing you my heart, but you need to be careful with it. I need to be able to rest with you and to trust you. In your arms needs to be a safe place. So we can’t cross this bridge not ever again. Because I can’t handle that. And even if i can, I DONT WANT TO.

Things he needed to hear:

  • I belong to you. My spirit is so tied to you that to leave you is for me to drown. Leaving isn’t an option.
  • What matters is what we have when everything else is put aside. The moments that we have when all else fades to the background. That’s what’s important.
  • You don’t have to be perfect. I’m not gonna beat you up. I just can’t carry us alone. Because I am as human as you.
  • I love you.
  • I’m going to always respect you.
  • I will be a safe place for you.
  • Give me your word that we will never travel this road again, that it will be right and I give you my word that I won’t bring any of this up again from right now, this moment, today.
  • This moment is a fresh start. It’s a clean slate and we’re beginning again from right now.

Things I needed to hear:

  • You have my word. I won’t hurt you again.

We both left feeling a little raw, a little tender. But we said all that was necessary to give us a fighting chance at some real true recovery. Neither of us is unscathed, but at least now we both know we can recover.

I count that a victory and I think he does too.

Your timing is perfect, Lord. thank you.

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