That’s probably the best description of now that I can give.
This weekend was so sweet. His day sucked so bad on Friday. But he tried so hard to take care of what he perceived to be my need of attention and affection. He was exhausted. He didn’t feel like it. But he was determined to find some energy to cuddle and talk from somewhere. Bless his heart. He got a pass. Instead we cuddled and watched a movie – no need to talk. And we slept. It was perfect.
Fast forward to today… We don’t do Valentine’s Day. I just think it’s corny. We tried one year and it was so odd that i was just like, nah. I’m good. We don’t have to do that ever again. And we haven’t done it since.
But this morning, on the way to work, I was greeted w/a sweet phone call by a man w/a voice full of love, affection, friendship, and pleasure. He just wanted to say good morning. Just wanted to talk. And he threw in ‘happy valentine’s day, Boo’ just for good measure. Totally made me smile. Totally gave me joy. And not because it’s Valentine’s day and all that. But because I see the growth. And more and more I see a man who thinks about the small things and puts in the work to make sure I understand what’s true and real and important to him for us.
This morning was about wanting to make sure I didn’t feel forgotten or second. This weekend was about putting my need before his… and it all represents one of the things that matters the most to me: he is learning what it is to be selfless.
Consistent forward motion like this… it is what makes the ambivalence in my spirit recede and what lets my heart press past old stuff to open up and take in something new.
This is the good stuff…