Self Discovery

This whole thing of seasons changing and everything being nothing like what it was or what I expected (or even hoped) it to be by now… it overwhelms me…

I have so many blog posts living in my head but i can never get still enough for long enough to get them moved out and unpacked. So much stuff has been goin on around me. So much stuff is still so daunting for me. So many things are things I still dont quite get.

But what I DO get, what I DO know, is that I’m not who I was. I am learning to (truly) forgive. I’m learning to let go. I’m learning to trust again. I’m learning to love freely. Im learning to pray boldly. I’m learning to give honestly… I’m discovering the ‘me’ after the storm – the ‘me’ that I’m now realizing has always been hidden away by all my coping mechanisms, security blankets, walls, & fortresses…

I gotta tell ya. I’m a pretty cool chick. 🙂

My current favorite lesson:

Live Unapologetically…

Now that I am on the other side of a storm that has ravaged my ENTIRE life, I have discovered and decided one thing: I don’t owe anybody ANYTHING – including an explanation- for the choices I’ve made or the way I live my life – not then, not now, and not going forward. Nobody’s paid the cost for the life I live but me, and nobody gets the privilege of navigation on my behalf now that the sun’s finally starting to break through all the clouds.

If you know me at all, you know that that’s a bit daunting for me… I’m not one to care about outsider’s opinions, but family and friends… they carry a tremendous amount of weight… HOWEVER, this time around, the above statement applies to them too. They have been with me, walked with me, cried with me and for me, prayed with me and for me… And I appreciate every.single.ounce. But… I owe it to God and me both – not to mention my future – to live a life free of the need to satisfy others’ expecatations & ideals.

Out of all that I dont know yet, one thing I’m sure of is this: I am a much better version of myself than I have ever been before. I love me and I can look at me and know that I am well on my way to a life I never imagined…

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